Numb.

I’m feeling less overwhelmingly terrible than I was yesterday, but I feel like I’ve emotionally shut down.  I’m feeling numb and unmotivated - I have so much work to do, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do anything.  All I can do is lie here, useless, browsing the internet because I can hardly concentrate for long enough to read a book.  And I’m not entirely sure I prefer the numbness to the depression.  At least with depression, I still feel human.  Painfully human, I suppose, but still human.  This numbness makes everything distant.  It makes every emotion that I express feel fake and forced, and so all of my interactions with people seem disingenuous.  I almost don’t feel like I’m really even alive.  I just feel cold and empty.

the 5th of November

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“Words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror…Fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.”

- "V" for Vendetta